A new study funded by the totally-not-biased consortium known as "Big Chair" suggests that standing desks might be the silent killer lurking in your office. Move over, sitting - there's a new health villain in town, and it's making you stand up and take notice. The Earth-Shattering Findings The groundbreaking study, conducted by the Institute for Perpetual Sitting (IPS), claims that standing desks are responsible for a host of ailments, including: Chronic Smugness: Users of standing desks were found to be 73% more likely to mention their standing desk in casual conversation, leading to severe eye-rolling injuries among colleagues. Acute Productivity Guilt: Those who use sitting desks reported feeling 86% more justified in their laziness when observing their standing counterparts. Gravitational Stress: The study warns that prolonged standing might lead to a dangerous condition called "Feet Existing Syndrome (FES)," where users become acutely aware that they have feet. Elevated Risk of High-Fiving: Standing desk users were observed to be within optimal range for spontaneous high-fives, increasing office noise pollution by 150%. The Experts Weigh In We spoke to Dr. Irma Charlottan, lead researcher at IPS and proud owner of a collection of 147 different office chairs. "Our findings are clear,"