AI
AI Model for Latin Accidentally Raises the Dead
In a bizarre turn of events that has left scientists and necromancers alike scratching their heads, a new AI model
Biden Mistakenly Halts All Potato Chip Shipments to China Instead of Semiconductor Chips
In a move that has left snack enthusiasts in turmoil and semiconductor experts scratching their heads, President Biden has mistakenly
Phones
Apple Announces New iPhone That Can Only Be Charged With a $1000 Cable
BREAKING: Apple Unveils iPhone UltraPlus — Can Only Be Charged Using The Exclusive $1000 "iCable Pro" CUPERTINO, CA — In
Are Standing Desks Actually Bad For Your Health? A New Study Funded by Big Chair
By Emily Sage on October 17, 2024
A new study funded by the totally-not-biased consortium known as "Big Chair" suggests that standing desks might be the silent killer lurking in your office. Move over, sitting - there's a new health villain in town, and it's making you stand up and take notice. The Earth-Shattering Findings The groundbreaking study, conducted by the Institute for Perpetual Sitting (IPS), claims that standing desks are responsible for a host of ailments, including: Chronic Smugness: Users of standing desks were found to be 73% more likely to mention their standing desk in casual conversation, leading to severe eye-rolling injuries among colleagues. Acute Productivity Guilt: Those who use sitting desks reported feeling 86% more justified in their laziness when observing their standing counterparts. Gravitational Stress: The study warns that prolonged standing might lead to a dangerous condition called "Feet Existing Syndrome (FES)," where users become acutely aware that they have feet. Elevated Risk of High-Fiving: Standing desk users were observed to be within optimal range for spontaneous high-fives, increasing office noise pollution by 150%. The Experts Weigh In We spoke to Dr. Irma Charlottan, lead researcher at IPS and proud owner of a collection of 147 different office chairs. "Our findings are clear,"Read More...
Tech
Corporate SmackDown: Future Silicon Valley Mergers to Be Decided by WWE-style Matches
Wall Street analysts were left drop-kicking their spreadsheets and the average American gleefully clutching their remote, after a groundbreaking proposal
California Fines Zoom for Having a Physical Office and Not Being Fully Remote
In a move that has left the corporate world in a state of paradox-induced whiplash, California has slapped Zoom with
Apps
WhatsApp Introduces New 'Morse Code' Ultra Privacy Mode
Silicon Folly Valley – In a bid to up the ante on messaging privacy, WhatsApp has unveiled its most encrypted
Social Media
X, Formerly Known as Twitter, to Test $1,000 Per Month Subscription to "Attract the Big Boys"
In a bold move that has left the internet’s jaw on the floor, X, the social media phoenix formerly known
Space
World Astrology Organization To Redraw Constellations Based On Starklink Satellites
In a groundbreaking announcement that has both astronomers and astrologers looking skyward, the World Astrology Organization (WAO) has declared its